About Presidents, Coaches, Summer Parties and SRK

1. SRK

Just read somewhere that SRK is the new BRAND AMBASADOR for Emami's Fairness Cream - Fair and Handsome. Click here. Need I say more.

Here's what a critic had to say on SRK's performance in KANK that I thought was really funny yet spot on :p

"For those of us who've been hoping for a new and improved SRK, this isn't the film. Shah Rukh hams supreme, scowling and smirking seemingly in slow motion, each facial twitch exaggerated to painful proportions. From heavy breathing to simpering, breathless sobs to caricatured anger, KANK provides a virtual gallery of Khan at his most over-the-top, with the actor's emphasis making the most derivative 'American' lines very painful indeed."

2. Bloomberg Summer Party

If there is one event that I look forward to every summer, its the Bloomberg Annual Summer Party. Food, drinks and fun unlimited. Tried my hand at lawn chess (yup lawn chess, the chess pieces were each 3 feet high and u had to walk on the chess board to play).

3. Coach Kaun Banega

The news is that Zee TV and BCCI are planning on holding a reality show called Coach Kaun Banega based on American Idol. Contestants will undergo rigorous qualifying rounds in front of a panel of judges that include Niranjan Shah (Paula), Sunny Gavaskar(Simon) and Sharad Pawar(Randy). Votes coming in may be counted but final decision rests solely on the three stooges, oops I mean judges.

The winner gets the job of the Indian coach. Perks include being ridiculed and bullied and blamed for all of BCCI follies and any cricketer attitude problems. Lucky losers get to go home to less lucrative but peaceful coaching jobs.

Jo Jeeta Wohi Coach baaki sab Sikandar

4. President Kaun Banega

Rival network Sony is planning on holding a competition to choose the next President of India. There is but a single judge, Sonia Gandhi. Whoever manages to impress Sonia jee the most gets the job.

This is roughly based on the Apprentice. Some of the tasks include lying prostate at Sonia's feet, learning Italian, doing the grocery and baby sitting Rahul and Priyanka.

The winner gets the post of the Prez, the loser gets his self respect back. After every round, Sonia jee will announce in Italian Hindi, "Ab Tumhay Fire Key-YA Jaayega !!!!"

Thats All for Now.

Some of the Things That Irritate me

This is based on the "These are a few of my favorite things" song from the movie "Sound Of Music".

Verizon fiber optics and Cable with no Vision
Shah Rukh over acting and Koffee with Karan
Saas bahu serials and TV shows gone real
These are a few of the most irritating things

Selection of cricket coaches and an apartment with roaches
C graded phillums and sweet sour chicken
crazy campin neighbours and drink drivin beamers
These are a few of the most irritating things

Sonia speaks no Hindi and Advani's a Sindhi
wierd crazy Lefties and corrupt politician hefties
crazy terrorists with guns and Priyadarshan movies r no fun
These are a few of the most irritating things

awesome online dealers and furniture late delivered
emotional teary melodramas and john needs a barber
Rakhi's wild gyration and Sallu's wearing no shirt
These are a few of the most irritating things

when indian wkts fall
when the cable walas call
when srk over talks

I simply tear out my favorite things and then I feel worse.

My World This Week

1. Ford rejects BCCI offer. Lolz. I have never seen a world sporting body shoot itself in the foot over and over again. Maybe thats because they have a billion feet to shoot at. Hail Lord Gavaskar, for getting John Emburey with zero coaching credentials as the second candidate for the coaching job. What would Indian cricket be without Sunny!!!

2. The Asians beat the Africans in the Asia-Africa cup. This enthralling event was keenly watched by a total of 4 useless officials, 3 bored spectators, 2 chatty gate keepers and 1 excited Pomeranian puppy. We later heard the Pomeranian was owned by Dhoni who was playing in the match.

Well at least for the world cup, we had over 10 bored spectators and a little over 100 meddling officials. (Unfortunately the poor Pomeranian didn’t get a visa)

3. Whoever comes up with a name like "Fool & Final" for a movie deserves a Gold Medal for creativity. Not only have that, Ahmed bhai managed to convince the entire film industry to act in his movie. This coming from a guy whose directorial debut would have won a Razzie award in the worst film category.

4. Saw "At World's End" and "Oceans 13" back to back. Just as the first one took away my belief that part 3 of a movie franchise could be any good, the later brought it crashing back. Ocean’s 13 is a classy movie, though Catherine Zeta Jones was definitely missed. POTC 3 though had an awesome climactic battle in the midst of a maelstrom. This covered up a little for the convoluted plot of the first hour.

5. Also went to the "Top of The Rock", one of the lesser known landmarks in NYC. Its the top of the Rockefeller Center and offers a panoramic view of Manhattan as breath-taking as from the top of the Empire State.

6. Life in a Metro had some great reviews. Its definitely a well edited and directed movie. But it deserves negative points for having lifted its entire Kay-kay, Kangana and Sharman Joshi sub plot from a classic Jack Lemmon movie called "The Apartment". Irrfan Khan and Konkana offer the comic relief while Shilpa and Kangana look pretty.

Ek Chaalis ki Last Local has a promising premise but loses the plot after a while.

7.

Coach handbag designed by the world's best - $3000
Versace evening Dress - $8000
Partying all Night at Tao's in Vegas - $7000
Brand New Porsche Car - Free (Gift from Rich Dad)
Hotel Stay around the world - Free (Grandfather owns Hotel Chain)

Look on Face when dragged to jail for drunk driving on suspended license - Priceless

- Jokes aside ... Paris is serving a jail sentence for driving on suspended license ... but Sallu, Puru and the rich stupid dude with a BMW walk free for crimes much worse।