Sourabh Chronicles

IPL 2 - Rise of the Sponsors

2009-04-30T16:15:00.041-04:00

Recently the second edition of IPL took off in South Africa and I have been religiously following the travails of the Mumbai Indians who have moved on from being the early title favorites to being second to the worst. Although I have followed most of their matches on cricinfo, I did get to watch a few matches live. The fierce on-field battles were accompanied by a bunch of mediocre ex-cricketer now turned commentators going way way over the top to praise their IPL bosses and to find more and more imaginative ways to mention the tournament sponsors.

The genius who thought that a Six should be called a "DLF Maximum" should be forced to face a ferocious Lasith Malinga without a bat, helmet, shoes or other kind of protection. This along with the ironically named "Citi - Moment of Success" (coming from a Bank that is desperately surviving on Government Bail-out money) and the strategic Time-out (strategic only for the sponsors) got me thinking about how things could get worse from next year onwards.

Imagine a cricket tournament with a sponsored name for every conceivable delivery, shot or run scored. Sample this commentary. Shane Warne takes a couple of steps and bowls a mesmerizing "Google googly". Sachin counters this by fetching the delivery from outside off, "Flickr flicks" down to "Hanes LongLeg" fielder and scampers thru for a "Shaadi.Com Single".

The Umpire who's dressed up in a dazzling white coat sponsored by "Surf Excel" signals the end of a "Kingfisher 6 Pack Over" by breaking into a Calypso dance with the West Indian players. Adam Gilchrist gets on strike and is clean bowled first ball. As he walks back in gloom, a Mirinda commerical starts playing, "Mirinda Bowled - Jor Ka Jhatka Dheere se Lage". Dravid who walks in next, is unfortunate to get out LBW to the next ball and is promptly followed by a commercial of "Lux - Fair n Lovely Legs" featuring the King Khan himself. Not to be outdone the next batsman plays a couple of defensive strokes before hitting straight into the hands of the bowler. This time the commercial that plays features a man and his unshakeable shadow with the tagline, "Caught - Yeh Fevicol Ka Majbut Jod Hai".

The match itself goes down to the wire and Sachin wins it for Mumbai. Sachin is unanimously declared the "Complan Boy" and is presented with a mug full of refreshing chocolate milk by Kapil Dev himself. Just before the camera zooms out, Kapil and Sachin smile into the camera and say "I am a Complan Boy".

With all these "sponsored" changes, the cash registers will tingle all the way for Mr. Modi and co. And soon they will be swimming in a pool of money like Uncle Scrooge. :)

Man versus Mountain

2009-01-12T15:49:00.017-05:00

This winter has been one of the harshest winters in the last 3-4 years and this weekend I will undertake a journey to the cold mountains of the North to renew my old battle with the elements of a frigid winter. The last time I was there 3 winters ago, was the first time I had faced these white slopes of terror armed with nothing but a pair of skis. I was accompanied on that mission by Dee, a hardened veteran of these slopes; Miss LJ, a terrified neophyte; Mister AK, an overconfident garrulous not-so-experienced dude & the invincible AJo, a fellow novice willing to take on the toughest of challenges.

I could feel a chill up my spine as we approached the mountain of doom and my knees started knocking against each other. I realized later that the shivering was caused by Mister AK turning off the heater by mistake. Dee led us to a sled where we were given the equipment we would need to take on this enormous challenge. As we dragged ourselves out to the slopes wearing unwalkable boots and carrying heavy skis, I realized that the slopes were filled with people of all ages, even waist high kids who zoomed by me as if they were born with skis on their feet.

Humbled, I put on my skis and pushed myself across the snow hoping that people would not notice that I was a beginner. Maybe I could be one of those wonder stories, of people who were natural at skiing the first time they tried. So far so good. Horizontal skiing seemed easy enough to learn. Dee kind of assumed that I had done this before and beckoned me to follow him up the slope. All you had to do was to hold on to your rope and get dragged up the slope. Seemed easy enough. As I held the rope, my skis somehow managed to get entangled in each other and before I knew it, I was flat on my back with my feet pointing up to the sky. I fell right beside the rope, so there was a huge line of people waiting for me to get out of the way. It was then that I realized its not so easy getting back on your feet when you have skis on. I felt like an over-turned turtle trying to turn over on a slippery block of melting ice. I also realized that on a relatively warm day, the snow is not really as soft as you think it is and hence the landing not so much fun.

It was finally when I got up and moved elsewhere that I noticed what my friends were up to. AJo the invincible was sitting alone at the extreme right of the slope beside a line of trees and a ditch trying to drag himself inch by inch to the bottom, took him close to an hour. It is a mystery to me how he got there in the first place. Miss LJ kept falling down in spite of not even trying to move. She must have fallen down at least 15 times while covering a total distance of 10 feet the entire duration that we were at the resort. Half the fun was watching her predict that she would fall and then topple over with progressively increasing levels of hilarity. Although I don't believe she found it as funny as we did. Mister AK in turn had the unique ability to fall down at the exact same spot at the top of the slope every time that he went up there. It seemed to us like he had met his Snowloo(read Waterloo).

Dee finally managed to teach me how to ski and took me to the top of the slope. The moment I pushed off from the top, I remembered that he had not taught me how to brake at the end of the slope. Ahh. If I had more friends like him, I wouldn't need any enemies. I went crashing into the net below, designed solely for crazy untrained beginners like me who did not know how to stop. Took me a couple of increasingly decelerated crashes into the net before I finally managed to brake to a halt successfully.

I should have known not to take training from a dude like Dee who had decided to tackle a Diamond slope the first day that he learned skiing. All he managed to do on that slope was to crash into a snow bump and get tonked on his head with his own ski. I wish someone had captured this you-tube moment.

That brought to an end my first skiing experience on the slopes of New England. The mountains had bellowed and shook but although bruised and rattled, we had survived the test. This time around 3 out of 5 will not be around, but the great AK is still there and I hope he entertains us with his unique falling skills yet again. Dee is far away in a land more famous for its shape shifting sand than snow. However his sister might be around and I will make sure that I don't ask her for any skiing tips whatsoever. Miss LJ suffered such terrible emotional trauma from her last skiing experience that there is nothing in this world that could get her near a snow mountain, not even the threat of Dee singing "Kuch toh Log Kahenge" non stop for 3 days into her ears. This time around the mountains shall tremble with the sheer speed and force of our ski blades.

Jai Ho.

The River Rapids

2009-07-16T16:44:00.016-04:00

Long before I begun my battle with the snow clad mountains, I had gone on a white-water rafting ride with a bunch of adventure seekers from my University. The destination was the ravaging Indian River located in the midst of the Adirondacks, a pristine isolated mountainous region in the far north of upstate New York. The plan was simple, camp out the night at the top of the mountain and once refreshed, take on the might of the Indian River. At that point of time I was still a student in Binghamton and had absolutely no prior experience of either camping nor white water rafting. As I found out much later, neither did anyone else.

Now, our trip was planned for the Memorial Day weekend, which occurs at the end of May, not yet the start of summer and hence not completely warm. Binghamton itself had warmed up the the extent that I didn't need a jacket to go outdoors. But while packing for the overnight camping trip, I didn't realize that 1. Adirondacks is way North, higher up and way way more colder & 2. staying out all night in a tent exposed to the elements is a completely different experience weather wise as compared to staying indoors in an apartment. So armed with just a flimsy thin fleece jacket, I set out with the others on this journey.

As soon as we entered the Adirondacks after sunset, it felt as if we were entering a world yet undiscovered by civilization. Cell phone coverage was non existent and it remained so for the rest of our stay. It soon seemed like we were the only one traversing the secluded pitch black road, my friends in the other cars had passed us long back and were unreachable by phone. Not aware that the rest of the journey would be through a region completely isolated, we hadn't stopped for dinner earlier. As the road rumbled on through the dense jungle, our stomachs started to make noises that would have scared away wilder beasts. Just as we had given up hope, we passed a bar with a bright red neon sign that said "open". Salvation in the form of a watering hole, in the middle of the jungle. The only eatable item on the menu was "buffalo wings"; they were unbelievably delicious and absolutely out of this world; the best I have ever had.

Moving on, we finally encountered the rest of our gang waiting for us near a field where we planned to camp out the night. Setting up the tent in the dark turned out to be easier than I thought. Lack of camping experience and preparedness meant, there were 4 humans for every blanket. As the night wore on, the cold started to set in and I soon found myself shivering. The only solution that I could think of was to sleep in the car. Thank god for car heating. We would crank up the heater, wait for the car to warm up, turn it off and go sleep till the car got cold again; at which time we would repeat the entire process. Somehow I made it through to the morning without transforming into an ice sculpture. A large steaming cup of hot chocolate and a delicious garden omelette at a nearby Diner helped me thaw myself back to normal.

Soon it was time for the adventure. The Indian River possesses among the best natural rapids in these parts, and spring is the best time to battle these rapids because the snow melts in the mountains and adds to the ferocity of the river taking it to a gut wrenching Level 4; which works great for a bunch of people rafting for the first time in their lives. Unlike the mountains of doom in my ski-trip, the rapids were fun, more fun than any roller coaster ride I have ever been on. At some point during the ride, when we hit a rock in a treacherous part of the river; and I was thrown off into the gushing cold rapids, the entire experience was that of sheer exhilaration. That was my high point of the entire journey. I fell right beside the raft and was picked up in less than a minute. One of the other memorable experiences was climbing atop a rock in the middle of a calm stretch of the river and plunging Tarzan style into the pristine water below. However the experience wasn't so pleasant for a friend of mine, a dude called "He-man" who apparently forgot to mention that he couldn't swim before he jumped. We pulled him back into the boat when he started flapping around his hands in desperation. After tirelessly rafting for almost 6 hours, the journey finally came to the end at the bottom of the Indian River.

As we took the bus back to our camp at the top of the river, I felt tired and cold but sad that the adventure was over. It was such a wonderful experience that I hope to take on the might of the Indian River again someday.

Kasablanca

2007-07-11T15:03:00.005-04:00

Recently saw the classic Casablanca, one of the best films ever made in Hollywood. For those who havent seen Casablanca, click here.

SO this got me thinking, what if at the very moment as I am writing this blog, one of our creative struggling Bollywood screenwriters has just watched this movie. After one of those "Eurekaaaaa !!!" moment, he spends the next 2 hours jotting down an original screenplay and calls Dharma Productions the very next day. Karan Johar falls in love within minutes of hearing the script, already casting SRK, Preity, Hrithik, Amitabh and Kareena with plum roles in his mind. The music would be by Shankar, Loy and Ehsaan and a guest appearance by Rani and Kajol. Production begins in full earnest, the songs are shot on location all around the world and the movie is now based in New York. Even the name of the movie was simple enough, replace the C with the K and you have a movie blessed by his own personal numerologist and astrologer.

Anyways before we go further off track, yours truly managed to lay hands on a copy of this script. Here's how it goes.

Rahul's is a dhabba cum upscale club located on Lexington Avenue in Manhattan, NY. Our protagonist Rahul played brilliantly by the effervescent SRK owns this joint serving awesome Punjabi food to rich NY based designer clothed desis. His usual customers include the friendly Punjabi uncle, a promiscous aunty, their bespectacled motu daughter whos constantly eyeing SRK, a young Gujrathi couple and groups of college girls and guys hanging out and leching at each other. SRK is a jocular yet cynical man dressed up in his fav Tommy Hillfiger. He even sings and dances with the college kids.

Amitabh Bachchan plays a local Police Commisioner who parties by night and is surrounded by a bevy of beautiful women, a desi Puff Diddy. Hes corrupt and is constantly accomodating a strict NY mayor played by Boman Irani whos trying to clamp down on a resurgent FOB resistance for green cards.

At this point, Rajpal Yadav arrives in Rahuls with 2 Green Cards documents that hes managed to steal from an intoxicated INS official, the first white guy you see in the movie. He manages to pass on those documents to SRK for safe keeping before he's arrested by Commissioner Amitabh in front of the Mayor. He's plan is to sell this to a customer whos going to come into the dhabba later that night for a high price.

Soon after, Hrithik Roshan and Preity Zinta walk into the dhabba, hand in hand seemingly in love. When Preity and SRK are introduced to each other, you can sense that they have a history and know each other from before. Hrithik seems oblivious to this flicker of recognition. Meanwhile Atif Aslam sings a sad song in the background about lost love. A change goes thru SRK, from the normally jocular and seemingly friendly he goes to his office and starts gulping down copious amounts of Alcohol.

Its then when we are shown a flashback, based in Paris almost 2-3 years ago. A young SRK and Preity meet each other for the first time. 3 songs and half an hour later they are madly in love. However SRK finds out the French hate his acting and that Parisian police are closing him on him. Preity promises to meet him at the railway station to go with him to London but doesnt turn up. A dejected SRK boards the train cursing the god of luck.

Back to the present, we realize that Hrithik and Preity badly need the green card to stay back in the US and Preity confides in SRK that shes still in love with him and the only reason she went back to Hrithik was that she didnt know he was alive and had managed to survive the 11 flops that he gave in a row. 3-4 more songs and an hour of emotions later, and 12 cartons of Glycerin bottles later, SRK decides to make the ultimate sacrifice. He holds Amitabh captive and helps Hrithik and Preity get their green cards and live happily ever after. Meanwhile in the melee, SRK shoots Mayor Boman but Amitabh saves him from the police.

And they all lived happily ever after, except sadly Boman.

ps: In the remake of this movie made 20 years later by Farvez Akhtar Jr, SRK plays the role of Amitabh.

A Tale of 3 Hindi Movies

2007-08-06T15:19:00.002-04:00

Recently I watched 3 movies in a row, each a cult classic in distributing misery and I believe its now time that I wrote a blog about them. If Bollywood keeps churning out such movies in the coming months and years, we will definitely be a force to reckon with in World Cinema and especially on Razzie nights.

It's for you to choose which movie is the best of the worst of the lot.

1. Aap ka surooor -

This movie has it all, a bearded, nasal singing, cap clad HR whose attempt at acting would leave everyone cringing in their sits pulling out their hair in sheer frustration. This movie is definitely not for the faint hearted and could be used in the future as a torture device that would get even the most hardened of criminals to start singing like canaries.

Some of the classic scenes of the movie include:

1. The story goes that HR heroically performed a couple of stunts on his own. These included 1. smiling for the first time on camera and 2. removing his cap at the end of the movie revealing his coiffure. The best kept secret in Bollywood is finally out of the cap.

2. The brilliant sequence in the movie where a group of auto-rikshaws in 'Germany' manage to over power a bunch of cop cars to help HR escape and prove his innocence.

3. The scene where the cops come to catch HR after his performance and he yells out Sunny Deol style, "This is a mistake".

4. His phone conversation with wannabe Dimple when HR barks out, "Jhooooot !!!!!! (lenghty pause) I love you !!!!!" after every sentence that she says.

5. Trying to out-sing Kishore in "Dard-E-Dil" and RD in "Mehbooba Mehbooba" as well his own unique rendition of the Gayatri Mantra.

6. When he looks at his FIL and asks him to judge him as a person from his eyes (it took all of 30 minutes for the FIL to locate HR's eyes hidden somewhere in between the beard and the cap).

7. Also check out the ishhtyle in which he works up the crowd in his initial performance in the movie.

8. His scene where he turns down Mallika Sherawat. If my sources are to be believed, they had to re-do the take for this scene around 100 times since Mallika ended up bursting into laughter every time he rejected her. Finally they had to tape her mouth shut to complete the scene.

If nothing else, at least this movie as well as the music in the movie has some originality that is unfortunately lacking in most of the movies being released these days. However if originality means coming up with a script like AKS, only god can save us. But the news is that HR is making a sequel to this movie which he says will explain why he wears a cap in the first place. One of the great unsolved mysteries of the world ranked alongside the Bermuda triangle and the Abominable Snowman will finally be revealed.

2. Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

Movie number 2 on our list is a madcap comedy from the not so able hands of Shaad Ali. The movie features Outlandishly garish costumes, colorful locations, Amitabh dressed up as the cross-bred of an Ostrich and a Pirate and an over acting star cast which includes a loud Jr. Bacchan, a not so pretty Zinta, an over-acting Deol and a french Lara Dutta. Yash raj films and Shaad figured that with their splendid cast, they probably did not need a script.

Highlights of the movie include

1. Someone came up with the brilliant idea that Amitabh would play a musical sutradhar wearing a hat with an Ostrich feather and armed with a double barrelled guitar. Everytime the director would run out of ideas, which is quite often, AB comes barging in with a 100 extras singing the title track. Kudos to the director for making the greatest superstar in Bollywood look like an old crazy fool.

2. Jr. B for his "oh blimey" Punjabi accented English and Lara Dutta for her French accented and then later gutter hindi. They have actually done a pretty decent job with whatever scope they had. If only apna director saab had given them a decent script.

3. When Lara Dutta says "Mujhe ticket nahi, Thukral chahiye" in her french accent and later when they break into a dance in front of the Louvre and Eiffel Tower.

4. Bobby Deol childishly saying "I hate you" to every other person.

5. Preity Zinta over plastered with make up. She has started to look too old to keep on doing all those cute cuddly bubbly roles that she's famous for.

6. The jazzy clothes in the movie, put even Puff Daddy and Snoop Doggy Dog to shame.

7. The stories that Rikki Thukral (Jr. B) and Alvira Khan (PZ) make up about the respective fiancés Anaida (LD) and Steve Singh (BD) and how they met each other are so over the top that no sensible person could have possibly believed them. So are the tastless jokes about Princess Diana's death.

Watch this movie at your own risk if you have 3 hours of your life to waste. The effect of the movie is that when I was watching Bourne Ultimatum this weekend and there was a tense thrilling scene based at Waterloo station (where Rikki and Alvira exchange stories and Amitabh keeps making his crazy dance appearances in JBJ), I half expected Matt Damon to start exchanging love stories with an assassin trying to kill him and for Amitabh to pop out of nowhere and start singing.

3. Partner

If watching 2 movies wasn't enough, we ended up watching a hat trick of movies. Partner is the third movie on the list. It is yet another "comedy" movie from the able hands of David Dhawan starring the "definitely needs to slim down" Govinda and the "Take of your shirt at the drop of a paisa", Salman Khan. Unlike the first 2 movies on our list, the producers of Partner had a successful script to work on. The movie is based entirely on the hilarious Will Smith and Kevin James comedy "Hitch". This movie is the perfect example of how to mess up a movie even with a ready made script.

Highlights include :

1. Salman Khan plays his usual role of a topless Body Builder who wears a shirt only as a prop and famous alumni and founder of the "Primate" school of acting. On the brighter side Sallu is a lot more tolerable in this movie as compared to his roles in "Mujhse Laathi Maarogi", "Maine Yeh Movie Kyooooon Dekha" and "Bye bye Brother".

2. Govinda is back and back for good. It took him around 3 years to realise that politics is not as easy as acting in a David Dhawan movie. Theres always been something likeable about Govinda but this movie sees him getting onto our nerves just a little. He definitely needs to slim down and start demanding some sensible comedy scripts like "Deewana Mastana" from his directors.

3. The scene with Sallu's 6 yr old nephew and his voice activated heat seeking missile. This kid is going to be the next missile man, APJ Kalam can rest easy. As unbelievable as that may have sound, there is a 10 minute scene which involves Sallu dodging the accidently activated missile.

4. Sallu taking off his shirt at the airport and everywhere else, he just needs a reason.

5. Katrina looks gorgeous; but then she doesnt have much of a role in the movie. (Watch her in Namaste London instead.)

6. All the scenes with Rajpal Yadav as "Chhota Don" a satire on SRK's don. By all means make a satire on SRK's don but the entire substory is completely unfunny. Maybe when you re-make a Hollywood flick, just stick to the original bunch of characters.

The bitter irony being 2 out of the above 3 movies are among the biggest hits of the year in India. Both Partner and AKS have made a lot of money for their producers and would inspire directors to make similar kind of movies. I wonder if we can handle any more crappy HR movies. Probably AKS3 would be about why he has a beard and AKS4 about why he does not smile.

At least I am sure JBJ being a flop would ensure we dont have any more of those. But thanks to the success of Partner, David Dhawan will make a zillion more bad remakes of popular Hollywood comedies and Priyadarshan will continue churning out a similar kind of over the top comedies. But on the brighter side, if they didnt make such movies, maybe we wouldn't be able to sit down, watch them for free and criticize them. :p

Sigh ... God save Bollywood !!!!

Existence amidst complete Chaos - Independent India

2007-08-14T19:28:00.004-04:00

CHAK DE INDIA

Its 15^th August tomorrow and we celebrate the 60^th year of our independence. The only memories I have of this day is waking up early in the morning going to school, singing the national anthem, pretending to listen to a chief guest, eat some sweets and be back home for breakfast. The evening was spent playing a fine game of cricket. More often that not, Doordarshan would play Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi or one of the many patriotic Manoj Kumar movies. Rangoli and Chitrahaar would play an hour of patriotic classics. These days my independence day means marching thru the heart of Manhattan as part of the India day parade. To see so many flag waving Indians lined up in the streets of Manhattan is a great feeling. The NY parade is the largest one outside India.

Being born in free India post emergency, I can probably never understand the importance of freedom since it’s something that I have always taken for granted nor can I possibly imagine the scale of sacrifices made by people.

In spite of all the imperfections and problems that besiege us, from corruption in all places to religious extremism and terrorism, from poverty and farmer suicides to lagging infrastructure, from proliferation of slums in cities to the mockery of justice for the rich and mighty, from traffic chaos to a pathetic record in international sports and chaos which reigns supreme in almost every facet of life, the very fact that we still continue to make great progress and flourish is a miracle and a tribute to the people. We are second to none and proud of that. Mess with us at your own peril. After all we are a civilization that has thrived for more than 5000 years and we plan on being here for a long time. We are the future and we better be, since 1/7th of every person in the world is Indian.

So a Happy Independence Day and a silent prayer to all those who made celebrating this day possible ;)!!!

Wackiest Characters on TV

2007-08-27T15:31:00.001-04:00

Most of my blogs till date have been about Movies and Cricket. Since I haven’t watched a B-grade movie since Partner and SRK surprised me with a restrained performance in Chak De India (his first since Swades), I must refrain from making fun of the King of ham and cheese. As for cricket, after raising our hopes by playing excellent cricket to win the test series, team India showed its true blue color and promptly lost a one day match to an English team. Lord praise the Indian spirit, for as the wise men of Indian cricket believe, never kick an opponent when he’s down, in fact offer him a hand to stand and treat him to some Chicken Kebabs. Such generosity!

Latest news in since I wrote that last paragraph is that team India played fabulous to win the second match and shot itself right in the foot to lose the third match. Consistent at being inconsistent!

So that doesn’t leave me with many topics to write. Spent a Sunday at the India Day Parade marching with the Marathi Mandal yelling out patriotic slogans (at the end of the day my voice was more like a croak) and trying to get a glimpse of the very-pretty Priyanka Chopra. All the other floats more or less featured a bevy of what I think were ABCD PYTs gyrating to the latest remixed Bollywood and a fusion of Bhangra-Hip Hop songs. They seemed to have come straight from partying all nite at a Desi / Bhangra Blowout club in midtown. At times it felt like I was at the Brazilian Carnival at Rio than an India day parade in NY. However the one float that impressed me had a band of Americans playing out a classic patriotic Hindi song.

Going back to my topic for the post, the one thing that has kept me occupied most weekdays in the past 2 years since I started working in NY has been the re-runs of the 90s sitcoms on TBS and Fox. Here's a list of who I think are the wackiest characters I have seen so far on a TV screen, along with some of the most memorable quotes.

1. Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

2. Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld)

Kramer: It's a write off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I Don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Jerry: I wish I could have the last 20 seconds of my life back.

Dean Jones: "I've been reviewing Darren's internship journal. Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, high tea with a Mr. Newman?"
Kramer: "Well, it all sounds pretty glamorous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica."
Dean Jones: "Far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is little more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken."
Kramer: "And with Darren's help, we'll get that chicken!"

Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's. peppermint; it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!

3. Peter Griffin and Stewie (The Family Guy)

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

Brian Griffin: So what happened?
Stewie Griffin: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know what, why don't guys just do that?
Brian Griffin: They do. It's called being gay.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that.

4. Newman (Sienfeld)

George Costanza: Let me ask you something... What do you do for a living, Newman?
Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.
George Costanza: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: Sometimes.
Jerry: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming. And then the bar code reader breaks. And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day.
Jerry: All right, all right.

[Jerry takes Newman's mail route so Newman can get transfered to Hawaii]
Newman: Too many people got their mail. Close to 80%. Nobody's ever cracked the 50% barrier.
Jerry: I tried my best!
Newman: *Exactly*. You're a disgrace to the uniform.
[Newman rips USPS patch off of coat]
Jerry: You know, this is your coat.
Newman: [looks at torn patch] Damn.

Jerry: Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.
Newman: I love broccoli. It's good for you.
Jerry: Really? Then maybe you'd like to have a piece?
Newman: Gladly.
[Newman spits it out]
Newman: Vile weed!

Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: Hello, Newman.

5. Michael Kelso (70s show)

[Donna and Kelso are hiding under a bed.]
Donna Pinciotti: Is that your hand on my ass?
Michael Kelso: It was an accident.
Donna Pinciotti: Kelso, your hand's still on my ass.
Michael Kelso: IT'S STILL AN ACCIDENT!

I would also like to make a mention of the neurotic George Costanza (Seinfeld), Stephen Colbert (Colbert Report), Niles Crane (Frasier), Frank Barrone (70's Show), the kids from South Park (OMG!!! They Killed Kenny. You b@$t@rds) and the Medical staff of Scrubs.

My World This Month

2007-09-28T14:30:00.002-04:00

Its been a while since I have written about things going on in my world. I have been distracted for a while with the crazy downloaded Hindi movies and the awesome twenty20 cricket played in the World Cup. Still cannot believe we are the world champions. The last time this happened was when i was 4 years old and too young to understand the euphoria. Hopefully soon we shall win the real thing, the ODI World Cup as well as the Test Series against the Aussies in Oz.

Here is my world this month.

1. Congress jump onto the Dhoni mania by referring to Rahul Gandhi as the Dhoni of Indian politics. I am not sure if Dhoni would actually be thrilled by this comparison.

Now that the Italian Madam has a puppet President and a Prime minister, and a party filled with people willing to lie prostate at her feet and obey her every command, she has now chosen her son as the successor of a party. Her mother in law has taught her well. Nepotism does reign supreme. :p

2. The communists are opposing the Nuclear Deal. Nothing new with that. All they know is how to oppose anything and everything. I wasn't too sure initially about the Nuclear deal either but once I heard the communists were opposing it, I knew it definitely had to be good for the country.

3. Mayawati's ambition is to be the Prime minister of the country some day. Kanshi Ram jee what have thy unleashed. I would rather have a slightly corrupt yet suave educated PM than someone like her. Imagine Mayawati having to address a G8 summit in Geneva, it would be somewhat similar to how Aamir Khan acted at a 5 star restaurant in Rangeela. "Idhar misal paav nahi milta ???? :o , kya ghatiya jagah hai yeh".

4. Congress Goverment claim they are firm on the reservation issue. The latest news is that they also declared that from now onwards reservations would be extended to sports as well as entertainment. As per the new notification, cricket team will have 50% quota for the lower castes. One opener, 2 middle order batsman, 1 fast bowler and 1 spinner would hence be reserved for the under privileged castes. This affirmative action shall help in elevating the status of the reserved castes. Movies and television shows will from now on have quotas for the scheduled castes and OBCs.

5. Just watched a Hrishikesh Mukherjee movie, "Kisise Na Kehna" starring Farooq Sheikh, Utpal Dutt, Deven Varma and Deepti Naval. A typical Hrishida movie, the characters are real, genuinely heart warming and funny. There is no over the top humor nor any contrived situations, no one falls over a banana skin nor does anyone scream thru out the movie at the top of their voice. I wonder if either Priyadarshan or David Dhawan decide to remake (read massacre) this movie. Imagine Salman doing a Farooq Sheikh and Katrina Kaif trying to play the gaon ki ladki Deepti Naval. Sigh.

6. Saw Close Up Antakshari on Star One today. Must have seen this after almost 7-8 years. This was a special on school children from different zones. Not a single song sung in the entire show was from before the year 2000. I guess nowadays on TV the old classics comprise the songs from 95-2000. Gosh I feel old. Is it just me or are all TV shows a lot more flashier, increasingly superficial, way way more melodramatic, way way more over the top and completely crazier than before.

7. These days weekday evenings are spent driving around parts of Long Islands and trips to different malls. I have realized the side effects of getting a car. More time on hand, so more trips to malls, so means spending more on stuff that otherwise you wouldn't have spent on. Miscellaneous Expenditure multiplication. Hehe .... :p ... Just kidding M.

That is all for now.

Kricket with Karan !!!!

2007-08-30T18:59:00.001-04:00

1. India lose yet again !!!!

In the era where teams pick 6 batsmen, a batsman wicketkeeper and 4 bowlers who can bat a bit (all of whom can field) , we have picked a team with 4 batsmen out of which 3 are in their 30s, 2 wicketkeepers who are not batting at all and 5 bowlers who wouldnt know the difference between a bat and a hockey stick (the only fielding they are capable for is fielding for ads). Bravo team India!!!!

I think Ganguly needs to re-re-invent himself for the one dayers. In the past he has been responsible for so many wonderful attacking knocks, he still holds a spot in the Indian test team but on his current slow batting he wouldnt make it to a Chunabhatti 11. While other teams attack in the first 20 overs, Ganguly grinds himself in and then gets out just when you most need him. Singles are a luxury this Maharaja cannot afford, running is for the common people.

His opening partner is Sachin Tendulkar, no longer the player he was in his prime and yet for the past 2 months has done most of the scoring for team India; albeit at a relatively slower pace than before. This pair is followed by Dinesh Karthik, definitely not a sight that would scare a bowler anywhere in the world.

Then there is Dhoni, a player who on his day can destroy most attacks. But there is a huge catch. He does it only on the subcontinental pitches where he can whip any ball way into the stands. I havent yet seen an innings of note from him in a one dayer on foriegn soil. Not West Indies, nor South Africa and definitely not in England. The Aussies will be waiting in glee. Yet for the selectors, the team management and the public he remains their hero. A hero at home a zero abroad I must say.

That leads to the bowlers. The less I say about the fast bowlers the better. They bowled extremely well in the test matches but here, they dont have a clue as to where they should be bowling or should I say spraying the ball.

As for the fielding, ahh the fielding. Well what do I say about that. Last I heard, the English batsmen dont even try to play into gaps anymore. The hit it straight to the fielder, go to the pavilion, have some tea and come back to complete the single. The only run out the Indian team managed so far was when someone put some chat masala in Collingwood's tea and he had to make an extended rest room call before he could come back and complete the single. By that time RP had miraculously managed to flick the ball towards Dhoni on the 10th attenpt (he was trying to throw it to the bowler but got Dhoni instead) and got him run out by a whisker.

Phew, thats that for Cricket. As for the Bollywood news,

2. Koffeeeeeeee

I managed to watch KWK on Sunday for the sole reason that Deepika Padukone was supposed to feature in it. However most of the show was dedicated to SRK and Farah Khan. It was like a bunch of gossipy American school girls talking to each other like BFFs would (Best Friends Forever). Mutual admiration society of mutually admiring mutual admirers. Yappity yappity yap. Both have been on the show a thousand times before, sometimes I think they should rename the show to KWKSF (Koffee with Karan beta, SRK uncle and Farah aunty), where these three meet each other every week, praise each other and talk about each others movies. All in English of course, the language of the Indian masses.

But then the torture was probably worth it cause at the end of the show, a gorgeous Deepika walked in wearing a stunning red evening dress.

Thats all for this post.

About Presidents, Coaches, Summer Parties and SRK

2007-06-20T16:46:00.006-04:00

1. SRK

Just read somewhere that SRK is the new BRAND AMBASADOR for Emami's Fairness Cream - Fair and Handsome. Click here. Need I say more.

Here's what a critic had to say on SRK's performance in KANK that I thought was really funny yet spot on :p

"For those of us who've been hoping for a new and improved SRK, this isn't the film. Shah Rukh hams supreme, scowling and smirking seemingly in slow motion, each facial twitch exaggerated to painful proportions. From heavy breathing to simpering, breathless sobs to caricatured anger, KANK provides a virtual gallery of Khan at his most over-the-top, with the actor's emphasis making the most derivative 'American' lines very painful indeed."

2. Bloomberg Summer Party

If there is one event that I look forward to every summer, its the Bloomberg Annual Summer Party. Food, drinks and fun unlimited. Tried my hand at lawn chess (yup lawn chess, the chess pieces were each 3 feet high and u had to walk on the chess board to play).

3. Coach Kaun Banega

The news is that Zee TV and BCCI are planning on holding a reality show called Coach Kaun Banega based on American Idol. Contestants will undergo rigorous qualifying rounds in front of a panel of judges that include Niranjan Shah (Paula), Sunny Gavaskar(Simon) and Sharad Pawar(Randy). Votes coming in may be counted but final decision rests solely on the three stooges, oops I mean judges.

The winner gets the job of the Indian coach. Perks include being ridiculed and bullied and blamed for all of BCCI follies and any cricketer attitude problems. Lucky losers get to go home to less lucrative but peaceful coaching jobs.

Jo Jeeta Wohi Coach baaki sab Sikandar

4. President Kaun Banega

Rival network Sony is planning on holding a competition to choose the next President of India. There is but a single judge, Sonia Gandhi. Whoever manages to impress Sonia jee the most gets the job.

This is roughly based on the Apprentice. Some of the tasks include lying prostate at Sonia's feet, learning Italian, doing the grocery and baby sitting Rahul and Priyanka.

The winner gets the post of the Prez, the loser gets his self respect back. After every round, Sonia jee will announce in Italian Hindi, "Ab Tumhay Fire Key-YA Jaayega !!!!"

Thats All for Now.

My World This Week

2007-06-12T12:10:00.001-04:00

1. Ford rejects BCCI offer. Lolz. I have never seen a world sporting body shoot itself in the foot over and over again. Maybe thats because they have a billion feet to shoot at. Hail Lord Gavaskar, for getting John Emburey with zero coaching credentials as the second candidate for the coaching job. What would Indian cricket be without Sunny!!!

2. The Asians beat the Africans in the Asia-Africa cup. This enthralling event was keenly watched by a total of 4 useless officials, 3 bored spectators, 2 chatty gate keepers and 1 excited Pomeranian puppy. We later heard the Pomeranian was owned by Dhoni who was playing in the match.

Well at least for the world cup, we had over 10 bored spectators and a little over 100 meddling officials. (Unfortunately the poor Pomeranian didn’t get a visa)

3. Whoever comes up with a name like "Fool & Final" for a movie deserves a Gold Medal for creativity. Not only have that, Ahmed bhai managed to convince the entire film industry to act in his movie. This coming from a guy whose directorial debut would have won a Razzie award in the worst film category.

4. Saw "At World's End" and "Oceans 13" back to back. Just as the first one took away my belief that part 3 of a movie franchise could be any good, the later brought it crashing back. Ocean’s 13 is a classy movie, though Catherine Zeta Jones was definitely missed. POTC 3 though had an awesome climactic battle in the midst of a maelstrom. This covered up a little for the convoluted plot of the first hour.

5. Also went to the "Top of The Rock", one of the lesser known landmarks in NYC. Its the top of the Rockefeller Center and offers a panoramic view of Manhattan as breath-taking as from the top of the Empire State.

6. Life in a Metro had some great reviews. Its definitely a well edited and directed movie. But it deserves negative points for having lifted its entire Kay-kay, Kangana and Sharman Joshi sub plot from a classic Jack Lemmon movie called "The Apartment". Irrfan Khan and Konkana offer the comic relief while Shilpa and Kangana look pretty.

Ek Chaalis ki Last Local has a promising premise but loses the plot after a while.

7.

Coach handbag designed by the world's best - $3000
Versace evening Dress - $8000
Partying all Night at Tao's in Vegas - $7000
Brand New Porsche Car - Free (Gift from Rich Dad)
Hotel Stay around the world - Free (Grandfather owns Hotel Chain)

Look on Face when dragged to jail for drunk driving on suspended license - Priceless

- Jokes aside ... Paris is serving a jail sentence for driving on suspended license ... but Sallu, Puru and the rich stupid dude with a BMW walk free for crimes much worse।

Some of the Things That Irritate me

2007-06-20T15:49:00.003-04:00

This is based on the "These are a few of my favorite things" song from the movie "Sound Of Music".

Verizon fiber optics and Cable with no Vision
Shah Rukh over acting and Koffee with Karan
Saas bahu serials and TV shows gone real
These are a few of the most irritating things

Selection of cricket coaches and an apartment with roaches
C graded phillums and sweet sour chicken
crazy campin neighbours and drink drivin beamers
These are a few of the most irritating things

Sonia speaks no Hindi and Advani's a Sindhi
wierd crazy Lefties and corrupt politician hefties
crazy terrorists with guns and Priyadarshan movies r no fun
These are a few of the most irritating things

awesome online dealers and furniture late delivered
emotional teary melodramas and john needs a barber
Rakhi's wild gyration and Sallu's wearing no shirt
These are a few of the most irritating things

when indian wkts fall
when the cable walas call
when srk over talks

I simply tear out my favorite things and then I feel worse.

Of Cricket Capitulation !!!

2008-04-08T11:32:00.006-04:00

Team India bamboozled by SA.

After their adrenalin high trip to Oz Land, the Indian team was brought down crashing to earth by the South Africans. Fear stricken at facing the 4 pronged South African pace attack, the Indian team capitulated in utter humiliation. Run for your lives !!! What was more shocking was that the match wasn't being played on a vicious bouncy fast pitch in SA but on a typical sub-continental batting strip in local Ahmedabad. It was hardly a month ago that the Indian team was thumping its chest and proudly proclaiming that it was the 2nd best team in the world.

Just as Australia bring out the best out of the Indian team, the rest of the world brings out its sheer mediocrity!! Even on the batting paradise in Chennai, if we take away the ferocious super innings from Sehwag and the gritty one from Dravid, the rest of the middle order collapsed like a pack of cards. However some of this blame should also go to the BCCI. Their packed money minded schedule has ensured that India has been playing non-stop since the mid of last year. No wonder half our bowling along with the maestro is injured while the motivation seems missing from the rest.

However after this shocking performance, the news is that BCCI have come up with a new list of demands for the ICC to follow.

1. BCCI has announced that it will ban any pitch that offers even the slightest of movement or bounce. All pitches henceforth will be flat belters like the one at Chennai.

2. All the innings in a test match will be restricted to 20 overs each. That way teams will have an level field to compete and teams with better bowling attacks do not get advantage over others.

3. Bowlers will not be allowed to bowl faster than 120 kmph (Pathan's speed). That way the batsman will get enough time to make up their mind and slog. Dale Steyn, Brett Lee, Shoaib and the likes will have to compulsorily slow down or face a life-ban. Venkatesh Prasad will offer coaching classes on how to bowl really really slow and get the batsmen out from sheer boredom.

4. Bouncers are a strict no-no but if the bowler does wish to bowl one, it should be at a speed of less than 80 kmph (Bhajji's pace), so that the batsman get the time to duck and react.

5. The rules are slightly relaxed for the Indian bowlers except for Ishant Sharma. They will be allowed to use their bag of tricks on the opposition. Whatever lateral movement, bounce, speed, swing that they are able to generate will be allowed so that the opposition batsman do not find it too easy to score.

Hopefully we at least last till the 4th innings in the 3 rd Test Match. Over and Out.

Arjun "Quota" Singh

2008-04-17T10:20:00.010-04:00

After writing blogs on Comrade Pakya and Yeda Gowda, it is about time I wrote about the baap of all power hungry politicians, the much hated completely irrelevant Arjun Singh. He's an out-dated politician who has worked over-time to take India back into the stone age.

1. Origins

Arjun Singh was born into this world as a Neanderthal long before Adam took a bite of that fateful apple and way before the first stone was ever laid in the ancient cities of Harappa & Mohenjo-daro. The Akbar-nama documents the story of a senile court jester Arjun Singh, who asked the Great King Akbar to reserve seats for the backward classes in his Army. An amused Akbar chuckled and presented Arjun Singh with a bag of stones and a donkey & sent him on his way to a remote outpost in Burma.

2. Reservations

The British left us 60 years ago but their Divide and Rule policy lives on through people like Arjun Singh. When Babasaheb Ambedkar penned the constitution years ago, he decreed that reservations be abolished after 10 years. However our great politicians have refused to do so, especially Arjun Singh. He continues to be the epitome of stupidity and his asinine behavior has managed to defy all norms of conventional wisdom in his sick attempt to win power.

Welcome to the new India, where ability and merit no longer matters, the only thing that matters is your caste and if Arjun has his way, your religion too. They just don't get it that reservations on the bases of caste do not solve problems, instead the government should focus on improving the standard of basic education and to provide scholarships and special tuition to the poor & needy. (to be decided on the basis of their economic condition and not just their caste)

3. Sycophancy

Arjun Singh is notorious for his ability to lie prostrate at the feet of people from the Gandhi Family. He has been known as a Gandhi loyalist ever since he became acquainted with (read; chamcha of) Rajiv Gandhi in the 80s and has been prostrating in front of the Gandhis ever since. In fact he has perfected the art so much that the mere mention of a Gandhi, has him lying flat on the ground before you can bat your eyelid. He was recently in the news for his over-whelming sycophancy when he proclaimed Rahul Gandhi as the next PM.

4. Golum

To me, he bears an uncanny resemblance to the creature Golum, from the Lord of the Rings. Arjun Singh has always been there, eyes red with his desperation for power, always conniving, always plotting ways to topple the incumbent, unwavering in his desire and lust for the ultimate prize of uncontrollable power, the post of the Prime Minister of India. Leaders will come and go but he will always be there, the "loyal" HR Minister, biding his time, waiting for the eventual fall. His frustrations at being overlooked for the post of PM over the years have only added to his senility and dementia.

That brings to an end, my tirade against Arjun Singh, the root of much evil in our country. The best I can hope for, is that this man is completely retired from public life and is banished in exile to a hot volcanic island specially 'reserved' for him in the middle of nowhere.

Bon Voyage Arjun!!! You will not be missed.

Tale of A Southern Satrap

2007-10-03T11:53:00.001-04:00

News for the past week has revolved around 2 southern state regional satraps, the octogenarian M K Karunanidhi and Deve Gowda, the humble son of a farmer. Lets focus on MK in this post.

1. What is wrong with the people of Tamil Nadu. They seem to be going around in periodic cycles. 5 years of MK are invariably followed by 5 years of Amma and then we are back with MK. This has been going on for ages, at least for the past 25 years. I don't remember the last time the state had a different chief minister. And this is definitely not because the duo are excellent administrators, in fact the opposite holds true, their governments have invariably been associated with corruption, nepotism and inefficiency. One is a sun glass wearing rabble rousing octogenarian while the other is a bullet proof wearing amma whose house raid once revealed assets that would make Tina Ambani envious.

2. This has been going on so long that the election committee can save us a lot of tax payers money and not hold any future elections in TN. One of the 2 (decided by a televised toss presided over by Rajnikant) gets a shot at running (read destroying) the state for 5 years and then has to sit in the opposition while the other gets his turn. The number of seats that the governing party gets can be decided by the decibel power of its legislators. Lets have a shouting match.

3. Anyways getting back to the topic at hand, good old MK is currently embroiled with the Ram Setu project. This project calls for the land bridge (Adam's bridge or Ram Setu) between India and Lanka to be broken in order for ships to pass thru. The reason for undertaking such an expensive project being to get a shorter route for ships to go from Bengal to the Western coast of India. Dear old MK is so involved with this project that he questioned the existence of Ram (wonder if this famed "athiest" would have dared question the existence of Mohammad or Christ) and undertook a state wide bandh and a hunger strike for its cause. Such passion. If he had even 1% the passion to serve the people of TN, it would have worked wonders for the state.

Heres a nuetral mariners non religious view of the project.

Anyways the drama keeps on unfolding and thats that for this blog.

After all Politicians will always be politicians. :)

Apan ka World This Week

2007-10-09T14:46:00.001-04:00

Much has been going on in the news these days. So I thought I would be back with my usual post on the crazy things going on in my / our world.

1. The honorable ex PM, H D Deve Gowda, the humble son of a Karnataka farmer has by sheer greed for power incredibly orchestrated the fall of his own state government headed his own son. Thats what happens when you have a sleepy old ex PM with time on his hands and nothing constructive to do. Maybe we should just sentence him to community service for the rest of his life.

2. What ails the CPI(M). Their staunch opposition to the nuclear deal with the US is in all probability taking us into yet another national election. A bunch of intellectually confused Bengalis, Keralites and a single nonagenarian Sardar decide the fate of a nation of 28 states and 7 Union territories. But then this really does not bother people like Prakash Karat and Sitaram Yechury much, they know which country their funding comes from.

I am sure the CPI(M) firmly believes in this particular saying ever since their inception, "If it is there to be opposed, Oppose it."

3. Had been to my Karma-bhoomi in the US, Binghamton, over the weekend; my first long drive in our new car. I had a great time, the climate was great, the University has changed a bit for the better, Late Nite is as good, Newing still rocks, Ithaca was wonderful, Cayuga Lake was as serene, Downtown Binghy was completely happening and the best part was the company that I had was awesome. Hopefully we get to do something like this again next fall.

4. Saw "Dhol" a couple of weekends ago. It turned out to be a pretty decent movie. Typical Priyadarshan but was way way less over the top as compared to Heyy Baby and Dhamaal. More sedate if you please. Not that it was a classic or anything, it was just a little less painful as compared to some of the other movies we have watched in the past few months. I have heard some great reviews about Manorama and Johnny Gaddar and plan to watch them over the coming weeks.

5. India got a bruising welcome to the real cricket world after their success at the Twenty20 WC. Aussies, with their egos hurt, took their time inflicting destruction on India in the first 3 One dayers. But an awesome performance at Chandigarh has seen us bounce back into reckoning in the seven match series. Lets hope the team carries on all the good work in the remaining matches. Hail team India.

Thats it for now. I'll be back soon. Adios Muchacho.

Johnny Gaddar !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-16T15:52:00.001-04:00

1. Johnny Mera Naam

Its been a while since I saw an original Hindi movie which was neither a uninspiring copy of an old Hindi/English/Tamil/Korean movie nor a butchered remake of a classic. It was just a very smartly made movie which didn't shy from revealing all the inspirations behind it. Johnny Gaddar is a must see.

Don't get me wrong, the script is not perfect, it does have its flaws, bullets fired in a crowded Mumbai society are not heard by neighbours nor does the fight sequence in the train wake up the other travellers.

But then the rest of the script is completely unpredictable and totally captivating. I wasn't able to guess any of the sudden 'kahani mein twists' in the movie ... not a single one and there are many of those ... this is such a rarity in Hindi cinema. The best part is that the director/writer cleverly shows us all of his creative influences interspersed thru the movie, Johnny hatching his plot while watching Amitabh's 'Parwana', the hotel receptionist watching Dev Anand in 'Johnny Mera Naam' and the James Hadley Chase novel that Johnny is reading on the train. Very smart. (Ajit style)

Let me end it here before I get carried away with my praise for the movie. Its just that its been a while since I saw a completely original and intelligent movie, the first since 'Lage Raho Munnabhai' that came out last year.

2. Themes in Movies

Each decade usually has a recurring theme in the movies. The 50's and 60's usually dealt with the evils of society, the 70s were the decade of a particular angry young man and stories about long lost brothers, the 80s continued the revenge trend while the 90s were the decade of the candyfloss SRK romance. Here are 2 of the most concurrent themes of the current decade:

1. The Adultery: SRK justified it in 'KANK', Neil was fired by it in 'Johnny Gaddar', Tushar Kapoor and Shreyas were each at it in 'Aggar', Emraan Hashmi has mastered it as an art form in all his movies, Amitabh was seduced enough in 'Nishabd', Salman was the guru in 'No Entry' and 'Biwi No.1', Anil Kapoor got rocking in 'Musafir' & 'Salaam-E-Ishq' and was drawn to it in 'No Entry', the entire male cast of 'Masti' wanted to but couldn't, Zahid Khan in 'Shabd', Vivek was suspected of it in 'Omkara' so was Salman in 'Hum Tumhare Hai Sanam'. The entire Kay Kay-Kangana-Sharman Joshi sequence was all about it in 'Life in a Metro'.

In fact I have seen so many movies with this theme that this decade seems to be the decade of the extra marital affair. But then producers only have to look within Bollywood for loads of inspiration on the subject. From Saif to Aamir to Boney to Dharampapa to (reportedly) Aditya Chopra.

2. The Super Casanova: This is the kind that sleep around so much so that even James Bond would need to take sanyaas in the Himalayas. From Akki versus Jon in 'Garam Masala', Sallu in 'No Entry', Akki, Ritesh and the other guy in 'Heyy Baby', Amitabh "puff diddy" Bachchan in 'KANK'; they are the kind that make women of all nationalities go weak in their knees. These 'super cool dude' are like an unstoppable force, and only a baby or a sati savitri heroine can act as their kryptonite.

Anyways thats it for this post. I have nothing else to say this week. Phew. In short, go watch Johnny Gaddar while its still in the theatres. And lets hope Bollywood producers get a load of reality soon and come up with some different themes. :)

Jungle Mein Mor Naache .... k.k.k.k.k.k.kisne Dekha

2007-10-23T17:17:00.001-04:00

1. Jungle Mein Mor Naacha - Kisne Dekha

Kisine dekha hai kya, Jungle Mein Mor Naacha. Agar nahi dekha toh jarooor dekhna. This is choreography and Bollywood at its hilarious best. An Absolute classic. Whoever thought of this video and the entire concept deserves a special award for promoting the national bird. This is Bollywood's F-worded (feathered) answer to Cats the Musical, Mor the Musical.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwaHNC15u8M

Its kind of surprising to see Waheeda Rehman prouncing about making wierd faces, with a silver Mor as her headgear with a super long feathered tail and getting kind of cuddly with the other mor. Probably a video she wouldnt want to show her kids and grand kids. Later I found out its from a movie called Shatranj with Rajendra 'Jubilee' Kumar, the epitome of non acting. The only words that come to mind after watching the video is,

"Yeh Dil Maange No Mor".

2. Main Big B banana chahta hoon

Well I havent taken up SRK's case in a while. But if some reports are to be believed, the Bad-Shah of Ham and Cheese has just crossed the limit of his obsession with trying out Big B's humongous shoes. After bumbling with AB's Don, SRK intends to remake the cult classic 'Deewar', which I think is AB's best acted out role till date.

Now its time to call him Shah "Ab Ruk Jaa" Khan. I have no problems with him trying out films with original storylines, but remaking all of a living legend's films just to prove to the world that you are better than him is toooo much. Stick to being chocolate boy Rahul or a Kabir Khan but thy can never be an angry young Vijay.

Talking of remakes, news is that Bollywood is remaking (read massacring) 'Karz' with Himesh Reshamiya as Rishi, 'Padosan' with Govinda as Mehmood and Sanjay Dutt as Kishore and 'Amar Akbar Anthony' by David Dhawan with Sallu and his 2 brothers.

AB: Tumhare Paas Kya Hai?????
SRK: Mere pppppaaas (huge pause) Rrrrremake Hai !!!!

Well you know what could possibly be worse than the 2 points above? If some enterprising director tried to cross points 1 and 2 and remake Shatranj with SRK.

Jungle Mein Naache Mor ... k.k.k.k.k.kisne Dekha.

God save us!!!!!

Shop till he Drops

2007-10-29T16:00:00.002-04:00

I was chatting with my bud from college today and we got talking about how his life has changed since he got engaged some time back. I am desisting from mentioning his name in this public forum for if his "fiance" comes across this blog, there would arise the need to say a silent prayer for both him and me. Evenings and weekends had drastically changed for him ever since his engagement. Earlier he would be watching cricket on his LCD TV or having "Life ka baat" sessions out with his friends at Bandstand, now he invariably ends up going out on shopping trips to the mall with his fiance. Life has taken an about turn for him.

Luckily for me, though M is an avid window shopper, shes actually quite restrained when the time comes to actually swipe my card for the stuff that she likes. So the blog is for all the girls out there in the world that absolutely love to stop and shop till their hubbies drop.

For most guys shopping is a chore that they try to avoid as far as they can. They only grudgingly venture out into the mall if a friend tells them about a cool deal on an Express sports jacket, or when Apple comes out with a new IPhone that washes, irons and folds your laundry for you or if they need to replace their old shoes that have completely disintegrated with time. It is the complete opposite for girls. Shopping for them is a hobby, an obsession, an art form that was ingrained into their DNA during conception. If only a baby girl could communicate, she would probably tell her mom to take her to a Baby's fashion store so that she could check out the new diaper summer collection.

For most guys trips to the mall would get over in around 15 minutes; 5 minutes to find something he likes, 5 minutes to actually try it on and 5 more guilt ridden minutes to get in line and pay for it. But shopping with a girl is more like a day long outting, guys go there in the morning fresh and eager, hoping that it ends before lunch but by the time they are done they are completely exhausted, their legs hurt, their wallet is completely empty, they are struggling with heavy loaded bags that have been completely packed to the brim and when they walk out of the mall they realise that the sun has long since disappeared. The girl on the other hand still looks completely fresh and has an expression of absolute content on her face. For her its like they have just come out of a one day trip to Disney Land. The only thing going on in her mind, "Darn, I still haven't found that red party dress that the girl on the train was wearing last week, the main reason that we came shopping for. We'll go to a different mall tomorrow."

Yet another day shopping day has ended.

PS. I just realised this is my first blog ever not related to either cricket or politics or movies.

Pakya Bhai

2007-11-01T16:45:00.001-04:00

After talking about the octogenarian southern satrap, Karunanidhi, the politician in the news these days is Comrade Prakash "Made In China" Karat. Lets just call him Pakya for simplicity. For the uninitiated, he's the G.S. or the supremo of the CPI (M) the most influential position in their Politburo, and at 57 (:p) supposedly represents the gen next in the party.

Now why are we discussing this noble politician. Well Pakya has recently been in the news for his stringent and vehement opposition to the nuclear deal between India and US. A deal that would provide India with nuclear fuel and technology that it requires for its growing energy needs without having to sign the Non-profileration treaty. This is something that US has offered exclusively to India and would have been a landmark deal to bring the 2 powerful countries together.

Now Pakya is completely opposed to this deal. Unlike most politicians, he has never managed to win an election in India, neither for Parliament nor for the State Assembly. He hasn't even been nominated to the Rajya Sabha. So our Pakya basically represents 0% of the population in parliament / state assembly. Truly, a Man of the people. It is but natural that he take decisions that decide the fate of the nation.

Pakya's speeches have always been peppered with phrases such as "communalism", "colonialism" and "imperialism". In fact he has a god given ability to use the above terms in any given sentence or situation. He's also an expert proponent of the China-man in cricket. One of the few who has actually learned it from the Chinese themselves.

So the question arises as to why such a distinguished worldly wise gentleman along with his esteemed colleagues like Bardhan (the name reminds me of the villain in Amitabh's Don) and Sitaram Yechury, are opposed to something that is so useful to India.

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This is what Pakya said yesterday at a CPI-M program according to CNN-IBN

1. ''India is a prize for the US and not Pakistan because of its market. Developed India can be useful for counterbalancing China. This is a game the US is trying to play which has to be foiled'', Karat said at a CPI-M programme in Kolkata."

2. “We shall not rest in our fight till the strategic ties with the US is snapped out,” PTI quoted Karat as saying. “USA has also changed its tactics of making Pakistan its strategic ally as it has now realised that if it can get India as a strategic ally, the balance will be tilted in favour of imperialism and neo-colonialism.”

which basically means, Pakya-bhai prefers the hot and spicy Szhewuan Hakka Noodles to the staid American Burger.

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I suggest all of us Indians help this poor soul fulfill his craving for Hakka Noodles and provide him and his colleagues with enough money so that they can each buy a one way, no return ticket to the remotest corner of China.

Of Ghosts, Diwali Dhamakas and Shantipriya

2007-11-14T16:41:00.001-05:00

1. Halloween Day Parade

We had been to the Halloween Day Parade in East Village, Manhattan a fortnight ago. East village had a carnival atmosphere, vibrant and colorful and filled with people wearing the most atrocious of costumes. This is one of the biggest parades of its kind in the world. The spooky procession had it all from ghouls, ghosts, zombies and other grotesque characters of the underworld to the who's who of crazy movie characters from Hollywood and other pop cultures. However the funniest costume in the parade was the one dressed up as Prez Bush playing with a giant globe, 'accidentally' dropping it once in a while. Unfortunately my camera battery was running low and so couldn't take any snaps but will definitely click some next year.

Talking of ghosts, we ended up watching Bhool Bhulaiyya at home couple of weekends ago. It's definitely a one time watch as a supernatural thriller with a sprinkling of silly comedy.

2. Madam Chef

Well it was Diwali, the festival of lights last week. So far since I came to the US, Diwali for me has either been an evening culture fest followed by a bhangra night (Binghy IGSO Diwali functions) or a dinner out with friends (after I came to the city). The only exception to this being when aai-baba were here for Diwali.

However this Diwali was my first after marriage and M made it a very special one by concocting up some awesome mouth watering Faral (delicious shankarpalyas, tasty chivda, divine besan laddoos, grilled karanjis and kadbolis). Home-made Faral always tastes so much better. The best part was it turned out great in spite of being her first attempt at it. But then its been a while now since I came to the realization that shes an excellent cook, period. Lucky Me. We also had a gala time making a colorful Akash-kandil, a permanent Rangoli and putting up the lights for Diwali. At the end, it did feel a lot like Diwali atmosphere back home (albeit without the decibel levels of bursting fire-crackers) and we topped it up by playing cards with friends way into the night.

Thanks M, for making this Diwali a very special one for me. :)

3. Om Shanti Om

Its rare that I end up watching 2 SRK movies in a theatre within an year (Actually its rare that I watch any SRK movie, period) and the most shocking part is that I actually ended up liking both. It was with great reluctance that I even agreed to go for the movie. There was nothing new with the story as such since it was a typical re-birth saga like Karz, only the setting was different and while SRK has hammed away to glory, the hamming bonanza is actually in character, both as an 'over the top' filmy junior artist in the 70s as well the spoilt rich superstar in the present. In spite of all this I still ended up walking out of the theatre with a big smile on my face. The 5 reasons I would recommend this movie.

1. The Filmfare awards are a laugh riot esp for Akshay and Abhishek.
2. The premier of "Dreamy Girls" and the fun poked at Manoj Kumar and Sooraj Barjatya is absolutely hilarious.
3. The South India movie shooting. Yenda Rascal, Mind It !!!!!
4. Deepika is simply stunning.
5. Deepika is simply stunning.

What is wrong with me? I have been recommending Hindi movies in my last couple of posts, from Johnny Gaddar to SRK's OSO. Sheeesh, have I lowered my standards so much that I have actually started liking new Hindi movies these days or was I just fortunate enough to see 2-3 good movies in a row. Anyways if you see my praising one more Hindi movie on my blogs in the next one month, I will force myself to watch RGV ki Aag and Jhoom Barabar back to back all alone. Sigh.

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

2007 Special - An Year to Remember

2007-12-30T15:22:00.001-05:00

2007 is almost over and we'll be celebrating the start of a new year tonight. 07 has been a very eventful year. Politicians all over did what politicians always do, Benazir Bhutto was assassinated, India won a World Cup, runaway bride Ash finally settled on Abhi for marriage, India got itself its first woman President, Modi won yet another election, Britney and Lindsay lost it completely and then lost it again, Gore won an Oscar as well as a Nobel and a crazy gunman shot up VTech on a murderous spree. On a personal front, 2007 is an year that I'll never forget; I got hitched, moved to a different apartment and bought my first car.

Here is a rundown on the best of the best for this year and some special awards for the people / events that have made a difference to this year and to this blog. ;)

1. Celebrity Marriage Event of the Year -

Talking of marriages, this was an year of marriages. Yours truly got married in March (blink, blink) to his lovely wife and his life has only changed for the better since then. ;) A few of my really good friends and a bunch of my close cousins got married too this year. Here's a toast to a successful married life for them.

Going back to our special award, the celebrity marriage event of the year award boils down to 2 marriages quite similar to each other. On one hand we had a celebrity marriage that united the "so-called" most beautiful woman in the world ("I strongly beg to differ") with the scion of a megastar Bollywood icon, and on the other hand we had a my friend AK's marriage that had it all, filmy music, Yash-raj style Punjabi dancing and Manish Malhotra designer wear. The winner was an easy pick, AK, take a bow. Aish and Abhi are no match for your enthusiasm fuelled, full on Josh choreographed dance routines nor your stylish films inspired designer wear.

2. Rail Gaadi of the Year

No, we are not talking about the LIRR or the NY subway or the Mumbai local trains. We are referring here to the politically driven ego self centered trains that ran around the country all year round making noise and blowing a lot of unwanted empty steam. I am sure you all remember the quote on empty vessels.

The winner of this special and unique award is the Karat Kolkatta Chug Chug Express. This train came with a special "Made in China" tag and ran all over Bengal and Delhi making an immense racket on US imperialism, Hindu Communal-ism and Chinese supremacy, never once threatening to run out of empty steam. Close runners up featured 1. the antique "Coal" powered Karunanidhi Chennai Slow Mail that barely walked in TN while blowing its immensely loud horn once in a while; and 2. the humble Yeda Ghoda Benguluuroo Maal Gaadi that ran only in Bangalore and changed tracks so often that it derailed itself and took along the entire state with it.

3. Made for Each Other Award

This was a tough one to choose. Madam Gandhi/Moneymohan Singh and Hillary/Obama ran them close but the winners by a small margin were Bhutto and Mushy. This story had everything, covert "get to know each other" meetings with Bush uncle playing cupid, a secret pact to share power, a well publicized return to her country from exile and a betrayal when Mushy declared emergency. Unfortunately this alliance ended in tragedy when Bhutto was brutally shot (or was it shrapnel from the bomb or did she hit her head on the sunroof while trying to duck ... it will always remain a mystery as is everything else in Pakistani politics).

4. Reality Show of the Year

There were only 2 nominees for this particular award. The show organized by the UPA government to select the President for India and the one held by the BCCI to find a coach for the Indian team. The award will be shared between the 2 and the money will be divided equally between the already rich respective sponsors, UPA and BCCI.

a) Coach Kaun Banega

In this show, based on the American Idol; contestants had to undergo rigorous qualifying rounds in front of a panel of judges that included Lalit Modi, Gavaskar & Sharad Pawar. The 3 stooges, oops judges, were the sole arbitrators of the contest. The winner bagged the job of Indian coach. Perks included being ridiculed, humiliated and blamed for all of BCCI follies. Ultimately, an ex SA player with absolutely no prior coaching experience, was declared the winner.

Jo Jeeta Wohi Bandar baaki sab Sikandar.

b) President Kaun Banega

This was a reality show to choose the next President of India, roughly based on the Apprentice. There was but a single judge, Sonia Gandhi. Whoever managed to impress her the most got the job. Some of the tasks included washing Madam's feet, learning Italian and agreeing with every sentence that Madam spoke.

The winner of this contest was a previously unknown politician who claimed to have conversed with spirits. Such a huge departure from a scientist ex-President.

5. Movie Event of the Year Award

This year a number of classics came out. I ended up watching quite a few of them, a couple of those starred the Khan of Ham and Cheese (surprisingly they were both quite entertaining). I am hoping I don't end up doing that ever again.

The nominees for the Movie Event of the Year award are the blue-tinted, completely pointless "Saawariya" (a very very close runner up to the eventual winner), the cheap and hilariously unfunny "Heyy Baby", the singing bearded-topi starrer "Aap Ka Saroor" and the over the top "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom".

But the winner in the category by far is the most fascinating movie ever made, the totally unnecessary, narcissistically titled, Sholay remake, "RGV ki Aag". Innovative camera angles that hovered from nowhere, Bachchan in an avatar never seen before and hopefully never again, a heroine who believes acting is exposing and shooting locales that couldn't brighten up your day even if you were all alone in Siberia in the midst of winter. This movie is a must see just so that it can be treated as a perfect example of "how not to make a movie".

Thats my recap of a crazy yet fun filled 2007. Hopefully 2008 will have a lot of good things to write about. Wishing you all, a very Happy and Joyous 2008 !!!!!

We were Robbed @ Sydney !!!!

2008-01-07T15:03:00.001-05:00

The clowns "Benson and Buck-more" with the help of unsporting Captain "Integrity" and his henchmen robbed India of a surefire victory yesterday.

There was a time with Mark Taylor/Steve Waugh at the helm that I actually respected and enjoyed watching the Aussies play. But after the Sydney Test, I realized that all the Aussies care about, is winning, sportsmanship and fair-play be damned. Ponting is the leader of this pack and sets a very bad example to the rest of the team. Clarke is heir to the Captaincy and from his behavior in this particular match, things can only get worse; passing the baton from a schoolboy bully to a spoilt kindergarten brat.

Here's a rundown on some of the latest news updates on the aftermath of this test-match.

1. ICC announces a new set of rules.

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a.) Captain Ponting being a man of absolute integrity, he would be appointed as the 4th Umpire henceforth, for all matches featuring Australia. Any decision regarding any controversial catches or run-outs will now be referred to him and he will be the final word on the issue. Any tantrums on or off the field by him or sledging or shoving the BCCI chief off the stage is permissible. No action will be taken against a character of such unquestionable moral integrity.

b.) Each Aussie player will be allowed an average of 3 lives for each match.

c.) Opponents are out if the ball touches their pad or elbow or shoulder or thin air on its way to the fielder. (One टप is out. If it bounces twice in front of the fielder, the honorable 4th Umpire will make the final call, which in all probability will be Out)

d.) This is regards to an old decision against Sachin, shoulder before wicket during the 99 tour. If the ball were to hit the opponent anywhere on his body irrespective of the line of the ball or its height, and if this "edge" does not carry to any fielder (*** if it carries, the batsman is out by rule (c) ***), the umpire will declare the batsman out, BBW (Body Before Wicket).

e.) Beating Australia in Australia or anywhere else is outlawed and against the spirit of the game.

f.) Aussie players will stay at the crease even if bowled unless the Umpire declares them out. In such a case the decision of the 2 umpires after a lengthy discourse in the middle will suffice.

g.) Any opponent that repeatedly gets the Aussie Captain out will be declared racist and will be kicked out of the game for a duration decided by the honorable 4th Umpire, a man of irrefutable integrity.

h.) Donkey, monkey, koala, porcupine, hippo, pig and all other such demeaning and deeply offending terms are from now on, banned on the cricket field. Aussies are permitted to use their abusive gutter language (insulting mothers, sisters and wives) on the field since that's the only way they know how to play cricket. Retaliation to their use of gutter language is not permissible and will be a punishable offense. The punishment will be as decided by the honorable 4th umpire.

i.) Questioning the integrity of the 4th Umpire or any of his henchmen is completely out of the question and will not be tolerated. They have the right to take the moral high ground and act saintly after the match is over.

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The latest news is that primates all over the world joined forces and filed a lawsuit for an undisclosed amount against Harbhajan Singh citing irreparable harm to their carefully cultivated public image and suffering mental trauma for having equated them to a rowdy Aussie cricketer. They claim that they never resort to such foul language, they always walk when they nick it and they absolutely do not have such dreadful hair locks.

There is also news that Hanuman himself is deeply offended with the fact that Bhajji should compare any of his ilk to the sledging Aussie.

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3.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali is coming out with a sequel to his 2005 hit movie, "Black". It portrays the fascinating and eventful journey of a partially deaf and blind West Indian named Buck-more, highlighting his inspiring rise from an unemployed youth to a lucrative career as a senior ICC Umpire. In this movie Buck-more also plays the dual role of AB, a senile once respected village teacher who has now lost complete control over his mental abilities.

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4. There is a new show coming out on television in Australia, on channel 9. It will be called the Benson and Edges show. It is based on "the Simple Life" and follows the travails of ICC umpires Benson and Buckmore as they stand in matches all over the world and make a mockery of cricket by giving outrageous decisions. This show is sure to bring out guffaws among its viewers.

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In all seriousness, the fact remains that this match has brought disrepute to the beautiful game. There is no shame in losing a well fought match to a deserving opponent if played fair and square but not when the other team starts claiming bounced catches and receiving the help of some very biased umpiring decisions. If the Aussies wanted victory at all costs, they have achieved it, but it will always remain a victory blemished by their unsporting behavior. As Kumble said, only one team played in the spirit of the game. Let's hope the matters at hand get sorted out and the last 2 tests are played fairly and sportingly.

Victory Down Under - The Aftermath

2008-01-16T11:12:00.012-05:00

Its been a while since I wrote a blog.

Pakya bhai has continued being relentless in his stubborn opposition to sanity and dear Gowda has gone into a shell contemplating new ways to make a fool out of himself while the rest of humanity get on with their lives.

The last couple of months have been good for Indian cricket, we beat the Aussies at their stronghold in Perth and blew them away in the CB series finals.

India - Wizards of Oz

1. The Maestro is back. Exactly 10 years ago, he single handedly derailed the Aussies at Sharjah with spectacular 100s; this time around he did enough to take the cup away from them.

2. After the loss in the finals of the CB series, some of the Aussies have started looking at alternative professions. Symmo has signed up with the Brisbane Bongos as a professional rugby player. He did well as a player but got into a bit of trouble when he tackled the opposition mascot who he thought was making monkey gestures at him.

3. Symmo's bum chum Matt Hayden has moved on to boxing and regularly schedules fights with high school kids. Last we heard, he met his match when he was felled down by a wiry 19 year old.

4. Ponting claims to have nightmares of the Indian bowlers and has started taking stress related medication and sleeping pills. The news is that even his 2 year old son got him out within 3 balls.

5. As for the rest, Shaun Tait has suddenly developed a pace phobia and is taking up under arm spin bowling while Mitchel Johnson does not want to see Tendulkar's bat ever again. Brad Hogg is happily retired from the game (this defi should make Ganguly happy).

6. Brett Lee (who's one of the really few Aussies everyone actually respects as a person) has moved onto Bollywood and will feature in a romantic movie with a yet unnamed pretty young Bollywood actress.

7. Australia has announced new rules for public behaviour. Any reference or behaviour that remotely resembles anything simian will not be tolerated. Providing proof of such actions is not necessary and the victim's statement will be the final word on that matter. Scratching one's underarm or for that matter any part of one's body is outlawed and any person found doing so will be shoulder barged naked by Symmo or be forced to face a rampaging Haydos in the boxing ring.

8. "Obnoxious weed" will from now on be a term of endearment and affection.

9. Bhajji has started a crash course on how to get under the skin of your opponent and yet emerge victorious. Guest lectures will be taken by a visiting Orangutan from the Singapore Zoo.

10. The Indian team will soon flood your airwaves and market everything that can possibly be marketed from Washing Powder Nirma to Cadbury Eclairs to Vicco Vajradanti Ayurvedic cream.

11. As far as the IPL is concerned, it has set a new precedent and inspired people all around the world. Real people being sold at an auction was something that hadn't been seen in more than a century. The latest news is that Hasbro brothers are coming out with a new special IPL collector's edition of Monopoly. The trading will be done with real people and real money. Ex; In the new edition, the equivalent to Park Avenue will be Mahendra Singh Dhoni.

Anyways, that's it for now. I hope to be a little more regular with my blogging from now on.

Holi Hai !!!!

2008-04-08T11:40:00.006-04:00

My holi weekend was one the most fun weekends ever. My friend Kuku AK and his wife BK had driven down to Mineola for the weekend. It all started off with a fright night on Friday as we sat down to watch the horror flick "The Ring". It wasn't as scary as I expected it to be, but that was probably because, 1) I had watched Scary Movie-3 earlier and 2) Kuku AK kept cracking silly comments during the course of the movie.

Saturday evening was holi-time, and we had a ball (read loaded balloons) behind our apartment; at the end of which, we were cold, wet and covered in various shades of red and pink (we looked liked we had come out of a shivering Halloween Zombie parade). I am sure our neighbours must have been tempted to call the emergency Psychiatric ward at the nearby Winthrop Hospital.

Little did I know the funnest part of the day was yet to begin. We went off to watch the late night screening of "Race" which is a paisa vasool movie as long as you keep your brains aside and worth the price in black if you are a fan of Katrina. Later that night, after the movie, what started off as Peacock kumar's short funny immitation of Salman Khan jiving to "Dil Deewana Bin Sajani Ke" in MPK turned into a full fledged crazy funny dance night.

Here are some of the lessons of the night. Most of them have been compiled by Peacock Kumar as well as my wife MSH.

1. Kuku AK was the only guy who danced his heart out, and is without a shred of doubt the best dancer among us all. (Of course, he cannot be compared to Mr. Shoulders who is in a league of his own)

2. It is possible to dance wearing a dhoti, PINK dhoti to be precise. (Ask the kid in the group. Again .... Mr. Shoulders can dance in any outfit)

3. In the song "Rangeela Re", "KU KU" is a part of lyrics, as in "Jeene mai, fir to kyaa baat hai KU-KU".

4. It is important to SING (read scream, shout) while dancing and more important that you make up your own lyrics as you sing. The whackier the lyrics, the more the fun. Also there is a Marathi song of a chicken running away on one leg (what will they come up with next ?)

5. It is possible to swing your arms wildly and turn your waist 180 degrees ... all this while sitting cross legged on an infinitely small and completely unstable stool. (and we are NOT talking about Jason Bourne)

6. Peacock kumar is undoubtedly the Salman Khan and/or Jackie Shroff of Long Island. His valiant attempts at being Fardeen Khan will always be remembered and is the only dance routine of the night, not captured on video.

7. Jason Bourne jinxed the camera so that he couldn't be captured dancing to bollywood tunes.

8. Mr. Kuku AK danced practically with everyone and every prop that he could lay his eyes on including Peacock Kumar's stuffed Cat as well as a football. (This is an open challenge for Mr. Shoulders)

9. Teen deviyaan .. the dancing kittens is the name of a new movie releasing this summer. Mr. Chow has already bagged the downloading and screening rights.

10. Teddy Bear Catching (to be played with a stuffed Cat) is a new dance form that can we done while dancing around in circles. This will soon be introduced as a new dance form on "Boogie Woogie" and "Dancing with the Stars".

11. The best dancer of the night judged exclusively by the Kuku-AK will get hit by a football for no apparent rhyme or reason.

12. 6 people dancing at the same time is enough to cause a minor earthquake. (To be precise 6 on the Richter scale)

Thankfully for me, this was successfully recorded on the video cam and everytime I watch it, I burst out laughing. This blog is especially dedicated to Kuku AK, the guy who can make even footballs and stuffed cats seem hilarious and to Peacock Kumar's neighbours for tolerating us.