SRH ke Cholaaaaaaay - Part 1

It’s finally here, the most un-awaited movie event of the year. RGV (Ram Gopal Varma for the uninitiated) finally released his version of “Sholay”. Its one thing to be brave (read crazy) enough to remake a classic but to be audacious enough to remake the best Bollywood phillum of all times is sheer foolishness. But then for his staunchest fans, there was always the slightest hope that if the Godfather had inspired RGV enough to come up with Sarkar, perhaps Sholay would inspire him to come up with an effort that if not close enough to the original, at least would be worth a “dekho”. But that was before he announced the ‘mis’-casting and the name of the movie, the narcissistically titled “RGV ki Aag”.

Now this release got all the Gen Next of directors thinking. In an industry which works entirely on inspired creativity, all of them got a creative jolt at the same time. Why not attempt to make their own version of Sholay, in their own inimitable styles, a certin recipe for success. The scripts were written and the casting was done. Shooting on each of these projects was scheduled to begin shortly.

However yours truly managed to get an insider scoop on the projects and the highly secretive scripts. (Yup, this time these directors were not taking any chances and actually did have page long scripts) So here we go.


1. Karan Johar

Dharma Productions was one of the first to get the cast ready. Karan didn’t have to look too far to get his usual stellar star cast. SRK promised to play the role of Jai, Saif plays Veeru. Unlike the original, Jai and Veeru are a couple of young NRIs in Manhattan clad in Gap jeans and Tommy tees. Their usual job is to con the wealthy single women in NY out of their riches and go party at a local desi night club. As with previous Karan Johar movies that do not have a shred of violence in them, the character of Gabbar Singh played by Amitabh has undergone a radical shift. He’s no longer a violent man. Gabbar Singh and his associates play a team of goons who own a restaurant in Queens that regularly fleece customers.

On the other side of the block there is a friendly Punjabi family living in the vicinity who sing and dance at the drop of a hat. Anupam Kher plays an ex-principal named Thakur and Jaya Bachchan his wife live with their kids, Preity Zinta and Abhishek (in a guest appearance). One day to celebrate his green card, Thakur takes his family to the restaurant mentioned above. At this point there is a kahani mein twist. Gabbar and his cohorts charge them a 25% tip on an already overpriced menu. Abhishek is deeply affected by this atrocity and gets hit by a car in his moment of anguish, while the principal loses his pinkie toe trying to save him. Thakur plots revenge. How he gets his emotional revenge with the help of Veeru and Jai forms the rest of the story.

As the tag line says, it’s all about loving your neighborhood Principal. The film also deeply explores the relationship between Jai and the principal’s newly widowed daughter Preity and the story about Veeru and a garrulous desi NYC gal cab-driver Basanti, played by Rani. Heavy on emotions, this is a surefire hit for the summer.

Ps: The sequel will explore the tensions and relationships that occur when a married Veeru gets tired of his wife Basanti’s continuous chatter and falls in love with the quieter re-married Preity.


2. Ram Gopal Varma

RGV was saddened when critics slammed his film, RGV ki Aag. So he decided to make a remake of his own remake of Sholay. Since he was confident about his direction and his script, he decided to change his cast. Abhishek was asked to play the role of Jai and Viveik Oberoi, the role of Veeru. Urmilla was cast as the chatterbox rickshaw wali while Ramu’s favorite pin up girl Nisha Kothari gets her 25th lease of life as the widowed mini skirt wearing Radha. Amitabh is cast as Don Gabbar Ibrahim and the movie is based in the heart of the Mumbai underworld. Gabbar is a more realistic ruthless don this time around and shows no mercy to the commissioner or his family. The commissioner plots revenge with the help of Jai and Veeru.
Needless to say, the critics slammed his film yet again and as of now, the buzz is that he is planning a remake of his remake of his remake of Sholay with Amitabh reprising his role of Gabbar. He also has plans for the sequel and plans to cast the entire Bacchan family, Shweta Bachchan and Aishwarya Bachchan included. His few staunch fans keep hoping that third time is lucky for remakes.


3. Ashutosh Gowarikar

Now this is a surprising development since Ashutosh is known to make original movies. Common, I am sure he hadn’t watched Die Hard before he made Baazi. Just plain ugly co-incidence. Anyways Ashutosh himself decided to make his own version of Sholay. Aamir, his best friend was immediately cast as Veeru and Hrithik as Jai, while the rest of the cast was handpicked by Aamir himself mostly featuring new comers since the other actors don’t usually prefer working with him.

The film itself is set in the 19th century and Gabbar Simpson is played by a sadistic British Officer. He defeats an Indian team led by Thakur Singhji, India’s first great cricketer by using unsavory tactics like bodyline permanently injuring him. His son, a promising young cricketer is killed when hit on the head by a beamer (we are not talking about the BMW here), widowing Thakur’s daughter in law, Radha played by the girl from Swades. Thakur plots revenge by hiring Jai and Veeru who are a couple of fodder stealing villagers. Jai and Veeru train the villagers with the help of a bail-gaadi waali played by the girl from Lagaan and challenge the British to another match, captained by the handless Thakur himself. In the end, Thakur manages to hit catch Gabbar Simpson out of the last ball latching on to the ball spectacularly with his mouth.


(to be continued)

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