We were Robbed @ Sydney !!!!

The clowns "Benson and Buck-more" with the help of unsporting Captain "Integrity" and his henchmen robbed India of a surefire victory yesterday.

There was a time with Mark Taylor/Steve Waugh at the helm that I actually respected and enjoyed watching the Aussies play. But after the Sydney Test, I realized that all the Aussies care about, is winning, sportsmanship and fair-play be damned. Ponting is the leader of this pack and sets a very bad example to the rest of the team. Clarke is heir to the Captaincy and from his behavior in this particular match, things can only get worse; passing the baton from a schoolboy bully to a spoilt kindergarten brat.

Here's a rundown on some of the latest news updates on the aftermath of this test-match.

1. ICC announces a new set of rules.

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a.) Captain Ponting being a man of absolute integrity, he would be appointed as the 4th Umpire henceforth, for all matches featuring Australia. Any decision regarding any controversial catches or run-outs will now be referred to him and he will be the final word on the issue. Any tantrums on or off the field by him or sledging or shoving the BCCI chief off the stage is permissible. No action will be taken against a character of such unquestionable moral integrity.

b.) Each Aussie player will be allowed an average of 3 lives for each match.

c.) Opponents are out if the ball touches their pad or elbow or shoulder or thin air on its way to the fielder. (One टप is out. If it bounces twice in front of the fielder, the honorable 4th Umpire will make the final call, which in all probability will be Out)

d.) This is regards to an old decision against Sachin, shoulder before wicket during the 99 tour. If the ball were to hit the opponent anywhere on his body irrespective of the line of the ball or its height, and if this "edge" does not carry to any fielder (*** if it carries, the batsman is out by rule (c) ***), the umpire will declare the batsman out, BBW (Body Before Wicket).

e.) Beating Australia in Australia or anywhere else is outlawed and against the spirit of the game.

f.) Aussie players will stay at the crease even if bowled unless the Umpire declares them out. In such a case the decision of the 2 umpires after a lengthy discourse in the middle will suffice.

g.) Any opponent that repeatedly gets the Aussie Captain out will be declared racist and will be kicked out of the game for a duration decided by the honorable 4th Umpire, a man of irrefutable integrity.

h.) Donkey, monkey, koala, porcupine, hippo, pig and all other such demeaning and deeply offending terms are from now on, banned on the cricket field. Aussies are permitted to use their abusive gutter language (insulting mothers, sisters and wives) on the field since that's the only way they know how to play cricket. Retaliation to their use of gutter language is not permissible and will be a punishable offense. The punishment will be as decided by the honorable 4th umpire.

i.) Questioning the integrity of the 4th Umpire or any of his henchmen is completely out of the question and will not be tolerated. They have the right to take the moral high ground and act saintly after the match is over.

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2.

The latest news is that primates all over the world joined forces and filed a lawsuit for an undisclosed amount against Harbhajan Singh citing irreparable harm to their carefully cultivated public image and suffering mental trauma for having equated them to a rowdy Aussie cricketer. They claim that they never resort to such foul language, they always walk when they nick it and they absolutely do not have such dreadful hair locks.

There is also news that Hanuman himself is deeply offended with the fact that Bhajji should compare any of his ilk to the sledging Aussie.

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3.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali is coming out with a sequel to his 2005 hit movie, "Black". It portrays the fascinating and eventful journey of a partially deaf and blind West Indian named Buck-more, highlighting his inspiring rise from an unemployed youth to a lucrative career as a senior ICC Umpire. In this movie Buck-more also plays the dual role of AB, a senile once respected village teacher who has now lost complete control over his mental abilities.

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4. There is a new show coming out on television in Australia, on channel 9. It will be called the Benson and Edges show. It is based on "the Simple Life" and follows the travails of ICC umpires Benson and Buckmore as they stand in matches all over the world and make a mockery of cricket by giving outrageous decisions. This show is sure to bring out guffaws among its viewers.

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In all seriousness, the fact remains that this match has brought disrepute to the beautiful game. There is no shame in losing a well fought match to a deserving opponent if played fair and square but not when the other team starts claiming bounced catches and receiving the help of some very biased umpiring decisions. If the Aussies wanted victory at all costs, they have achieved it, but it will always remain a victory blemished by their unsporting behavior. As Kumble said, only one team played in the spirit of the game. Let's hope the matters at hand get sorted out and the last 2 tests are played fairly and sportingly.