Wall Street 08 - The Jogi Story

A lot has been said about the recent collapse of Wall Street. Sub-prime mortgages, high risk mortgage securities, 700 billion dollar bail-outs, record bankruptcies; been there seen that. The market has never had it this bad since the "Great Depression". It is in such time that one of our top reporters(yours truly) went underground, lived dangerously and uncovered one of the biggest shouldered cover-ups of all time, the real reason behind the Wall Street crash of 08.

For the uninitiated, before I delve further into the report, let us talk a bit about a really good friend of mine, Mr. Jogi Kat. Jogi is a legendary Casanova with boldness, charisma & oodles of charm that would make even James Bond dark green with envy. His dancing in the now notorious Rathskeller (alias "the Rat") has left thousands of wannabe Kats dancing in his shadow trying with great fervor to match even the most fundamental of his many steps. Girls flock there in the fervent hope that they would find some souvenirs of the man once known as Vin Travolta. His female fan following has been and will always be unprecedented in the history as well as the future of mankind (his closest rival George Clooney has long since given up).

And if the killer steps and dazzling bold personality were not enough, Jogi also has one of the most envied physiques ever known to mankind. Mr. Mor once described Jogi's massive shoulders to be a colossal mass of pure solid muscle. The closest thing to Jogi that special effects could conjure up in a motion picture was the Incredible Hulk, but even the Hulk at his angriest just seems like a toned down version of Jogi. Jogi, once had to return a new jacket from JC Penney just because it just couldn't fit his massive shoulders. Since then, his jackets are specially ordered from a factory in some remote part of China. Mr. Mor in another of his colorful quotes said, "those aren't just shoulders, they are humongous boulders".

To give you a better idea of the charm that he possesses, here is a poster that one of the premier clubs in Manhattan posted all over the city, when Jogi announced his intention to move to the city from Binghy. (This poster is by courtesy of Mr. Mor)

Jogi already has 2 famous landmarks in Manhattan dedicated to him, the famous bull on Wall street is abstractly modelled after him while the statue of Hercules on Fifth Avenue, shown to be holding up the world is symbolic of the impact that Jogi's shoulders have had on the rest of the world.

Anyways before we digress further away from the topic at hand, let us get back to the breaking news regarding the real sequence of events that brought Wall Street crashing down to its knees.

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1. Jogi gets married in March 2007.

2. Girls all over the world get despondent.

3. They stop shopping in depression.

4. Shops and markets are affected.

5. Girls' dads stop building big houses with wide passages & doors.

6. Housing markets also take a hit.

7. In 2008, there is news that Jogi is applying for MBA in NYU.

8. Girls in financial firms, quit jobs en mass to apply to NYU.

9. Guys in financial firms lose motivation after girls quit.

10. Financial markets suffer complete breakdown.

11. Hence economy down.

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I hope that Jogi is busy enough with his courses at NYU that he does not end up reading my post. I pray to god to keep me safe from those immensely massive boulders. A mere twitch could send me into an infinite orbit around the earth.

In spite of all his qualities, Jogi remains a completely down to earth and a great guy to have around. He has always been quite sporting about the tons of fun that we keep having at his expense. I wish him all the very best with his MBA.

That's it for this post. Peace out.