Yeh Hai Mumbai Meri Jaan !!!!

Recently T-Raj, decided to tackle his pet issue of Mumbai being off-limits for non-Maharashtrians by chairing a secret high powered committee to lay down the rules for a new and more Marathi Mumbai.

Fortunately for us, yours truly managed to sneak into the meeting and prepare an exclusive and explosive report on what was actually said. Here is the list of rules that the committee decided to lay down for us Mumbaikars.

------------------------------------

1. Mumbai IPL/ICL & Ranji teams shall only feature Marathi players. It's time we bid adieu to Jayasurya, Pollock and the talented Rohit Sharma. The committee was of the opinion that with Sachin still around, Mumbai does not need anyone else. The Mumbai Indians team will now be re-named the Mumbai Marathas.

2. Bollywood movies shall feature only Marathi actors. This means that, all movies henceforth will star either Ritiesh Deshmukh or Shreyas Talpade and will be directed by Amol Palekar. Pros: There is no shortage of gorgeous Marathi actresses (Madhuri, Sonali & Namrata). Cons: The item girls (Rakhi & Mamta) were banned by the other Sena for vulgarity.

3. Dalal Street will be renamed as Pandurang Marg and will rid itself of all Gujjus & Marwadis. The Stock Market itself will be closed for a couple of hours in the afternoon so that the brokers can get a poli-bhaaji lunch and catch a well deserved afternoon nap. Needless to say, the market will be closed for 10 days during the Ganesh festival and on both days that Shivaji Maharaj was supposed to have been born.

4. The Tatas, Birlas and Ambanis will have to change their surnames if they want to continue doing business in Mumbai. The Ambanis will now be the Ambekars, the Tatas will be the Thattes and the Birlas will be Birladhyakshas.

5. Udipi restaurants shall serve only Thalipeeths, Sabudana Wadas and other delectable Marathi delicacies. Dosas and idlis are henceforth banned in Mumbai. So are dhoklas and Undyu. Punjabi and Chinese restaurants will be given special permission to stay because the party bosses are fond of Mutton Biryani & Chicken Lollypops.

6. Outsiders will be allowed to reside in Mumbai only if they successfully clear a TOMFL (Test of Marathi as an Foreign Language) and TSM (Test of Spoken Marathi). These tests will be offered at centres all over India, except in UP and Bihar. Permanent non-marathi residents will be required to memorize and recite the complete works of Pu La. People who do not know who he is, will have their faces blackened and will be forced to leave the state on a donkey.

7. The dress code for men in Mumbai will be an ironed Dhoti and an immaculate white long-shirt. This can be topped off with a colorful pagadi. Women should wear the traditional navvari saree. "Ram Ram" is now the official greeting of the state and people are requested to use the same to greet each other.

------------------------------------

People who do NOT follow these rules will be forced to watch 5 back to back Dada Kondke movies with English subtitles AND/OR be forced to get down at Andheri station from a Virar fast at peak time. Repeat offenders will be forced to travel in the maal-dabba of the local train with the macchi-waalis every day for the rest of their stay in Mumbai.

Any satire detected in this article is completely un-intentional and is but a figment of the reader's imagination.

Jai Mumbai !!!! Jai Maharashtra !!!!

-----------